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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23259451">Breakable</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayvillains/pseuds/newtgeiszler'>newtgeiszler (gayvillains)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek, Star Trek: Picard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Time, First time saying 'I love you', M/M, Past Abuse, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Tenderness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:07:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,252</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23259451</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayvillains/pseuds/newtgeiszler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Elnor is a good boy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Elnor/Hugh | Third of Five</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>108</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Breakable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You’re not going to break me,” sighed Hugh goodnaturedly, as his partner hovered uncertainly above him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor raised a pointed Romulan eyebrow, long fingers still skittering distractingly over Hugh’s exposed thighs, making the ex-borg shiver against the cool sheets. “I know,” Elnor said, a little petulantly, though Hugh forgave him for it. First times were embarrassing, and embarrassment bred irritability. “I know,” Elnor said again, softer this time, belatedly realising the snappishness of his tone, “that I won’t break you. But I am nervous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh’s brow furrowed as he nodded in response, his hands coming up to cup Elnor’s face between them. Patience incarnate. “Tell me why,” he instructed, ignoring the need that clawed at him in favour of cataloguing the minutiae of Elnor’s expression: the anxious bob of his Adam’s apple, the clench of his jaw, the wander of his dark eyes. The shifting of his long hair that framed his sharp features, so sleek and ethereal in the dim light of dusk and candles. The pursing of his lips as he struggled to find the most suitable words to describe his truths. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor was an open book even before he opened his mouth, though, if only to Hugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I</span>
  <span>– I don’t want to hurt you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” said Hugh, “and you won’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor shook his head, still unable to meet Hugh’s eye. The ex-B continued to watch him carefully, odd eyes flitting over his face with undying curiosity and affection. “Maybe not physically, but…” With great effort, Elnor met Hugh’s gaze briefly, only to be distracted by the metal that protruded from Hugh’s face, embedded deep beneath his skin. “You are precious to me. And I worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if he’d wanted to, Hugh could not have contained the grin that split his face from ear to ear. Smiling always stretched his scars uncomfortably, but he had grown used to it, especially now that he had reason to smile so often. Elnor’s fingers were still skimming against his skin with maddening tenderness, but they stilled when Hugh kissed him, his palm pressing flat against the expanse of soft skin, pressing harder still when the kiss deepened, until he was practically squeezing Hugh’s thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were neither of them experts at kissing, but they certainly made do, and when Hugh made a soft noise against Elnor’s mouth, the younger man shivered. “Hugh,” Elnor said, and then, again, as though it were the only word left in the universe, “Hugh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My sweet boy,” said Hugh as Elnor buried his head into the crook of Hugh’s neck, his breath hot and wet when he exhaled against it. “Let go of your fear. Embrace your desire.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something in Elnor shifted, like a taut string snapping. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hugh,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he moaned, finally allowing himself to press their bodies flush together, his weight bearing down against Hugh's smaller form. The sensation was dizzying, and Hugh began to feel his modicum of control slipping away as his body homed in on the weight of Elnor’s hard length pressing insistently against his stomach, muted by Elnor’s robes. He could feel his own pulse speeding up, hammering against his skin. Hugh felt his own body responding, too; the blood rushing downward from his head, his mind clouded by thoughts of everything Elnor could do to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Hugh had a chance to voice those wishes, Elnor began to pepper small kisses on his scarred cheek, his jawline, his earlobe. Hugh’s arms snaked around his partner’s shoulders as Elnor moved to ravage his neck, leaving red marks and blossoming bruises in his wake. The act made Hugh’s length throb hard with want and he bit his lip to keep from groaning, eyes squeezing shut against the intensity of his newfound desire. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh had never been touched like this, and the pounding of his heart was as much from the undercurrent of anxiety that thrummed through him as it was from his excitement. There was a time when his anxiety would have turned into irritability, too, but he had lived a few years longer than Elnor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor pressed the flat of his tongue against Hugh’s nipple experimentally, flicking the sensitive peak, and Hugh’s hips bucked upward involuntarily. When Hugh opened his eyes, he saw Elnor watching every blissful contortion of his face with an intensity that made him shudder. Hugh wanted to be touched so badly he could barely breathe, wanted to chase this strange buzzing, crackling, staticy feeling with Elnor all night. Elnor’s tongue darted out to tease the other nipple, a smirk alighting his face when Hugh made a noise. Doubling down on his efforts, Elnor sucked it firmly into his mouth and drew away with a pop, a long string of saliva stretching between Hugh’s skin and his shining lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Hugh’s mouth fell open at the sight, Elnor surged upward to capture it with his own, laughing self-consciously against his partner’s lips. They kissed with delirious abandon until Elnor leant away to get a better view of Hugh’s reddening face. The blush had begun to crawl down the man’s neck, and he could no longer look Elnor in the eye, but he was smiling so widely that he looked like he might explode.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are very sensitive,” said Elnor, swiping his thumb over Hugh’s nipple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” managed Hugh, lifting a hand to his head to hide behind it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling, Elnor prised Hugh’s fingers from his face and kissed them one by one, looking down with wide, earnest eyes. Each kiss an oath. Hugh’s embarrassment subsided into something softer and sweeter as he felt himself melt languidly into Elnor’s adoration. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor’s eyes squinted into twin crescents as he beamed at Hugh, whose hand moved to cup Elnor’s face with calloused fingers. Elnor leant into the touch appreciatively, long eyelashes fluttering, turning his head to hum against the palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so beautiful,” Hugh confessed, his head tilting in tiny, machinic increments against the pillow – an echo of his semi-robotic past. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m yours,” Elnor responded. “Tell me what to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiss me,” said Hugh, and Elnor complied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now,” Hugh repeated dumbly, as though in a trance, his head spinning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were so many things he wanted Elnor to do, but he didn’t have the words to ask, nor, suddenly, the courage. Hugh could not fathom what Elnor saw in someone as old and broken as he, someone with so little experience, someone with a body that did not always feel like it belonged to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever it was that Elnor saw, Hugh could not see it himself. But he was trying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you want,” he said. “I trust you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor looked at him strangely, and Hugh felt it must have been the wrong answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Hugh prompted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you saying that because you don’t know what you want me to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A breath of laughter escaped Hugh. “Am I that transparent?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To me,” Elnor said, smiling again now, and kissed him once more for good measure. “Close your eyes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh swallowed down the sudden spike of trepidation that rose in his throat as Elnor kissed a long, slow line down his sternum to his soft stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Outside, a light rain had descended upon Nepenthe and it fell slantingly against the window pane. It was a grey, soothing sound, and Hugh tried to let it fill his thoughts. His eyes fluttered closed and he fought to control his breathing, but it was already too late. Elnor knew him too well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever…?” Elnor asked from somewhere below him, his hot breath tickling the hair that trailed down his abdomen. Hugh shook his head, no. “Not even by yourself?” Hugh tried not to feel ashamed, and braced himself for more questions when he shook his head weakly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To his surprise, Elnor only said, “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when Elnor pressed his hot, wet tongue against his cock through the fabric of his underwear, Hugh’s entire body jolted from the magnitude of his pleasure. Elnor did it again, and again, and again, maddeningly meticulous, soaking the fabric with spittle. “Please,” Hugh heard himself say. “Elnor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was ridiculous to want more when it was already too much, but he did. The depth of his want was bottomless and devouring. Hot tears pricked at his eyes as his fingers found their way into Elnor’s long hair. Elnor made an appreciative moan against Hugh’s length, and the older man found his hips bucking against Elnor’s lips involuntarily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he murmured blearily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be sorry,” Elnor returned as he hooked his thumbs under the band of Hugh’s underwear and pulled them down his thighs. Reluctantly, Hugh let his fingers slip from Elnor’s hair and planted his palms on either of his hips for leverage as Elnor stripped him of his last vestige of clothing, revealing him entirely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh had not felt so vulnerable in a long time, and he shivered when Elnor’s warm hands travelled up the length of his thighs, fingers splayed wide, stopping when they reached his hardness. “Is this okay?” asked Elnor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh nodded joltingly, heartbeat erratic, and Elnor trailed a finger lightly down the underside of his partner’s cock, teasing, drawing a whimper from Hugh. Hugh tried to think about the rain, about the greyness and the coldness, but his thoughts were white hot and exploding with colour, fizzing at the edges like a photograph set alight, rapidly coalescing around one face, one feeling, one moment in time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And this?” Elnor asked just before his tongue pressed against Hugh’s slit and licked away the precum that beaded there, causing Hugh’s hips to jerk spasmodically against the weight of Elnor’s forearm pinning him in place, vainly chasing more. When he did it again, licking the entire head this time, Hugh’s cock bounced against his chin desperately. Hugh felt a huff of laughter ghosting over his skin. A part of him wanted to look, to see the smirk on Elnor’s face, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to withstand the sight between his legs, of Elnor smugly claiming his place as the first person to touch Hugh like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gods,” Hugh managed through grit teeth when Elnor wrapped his fingers firmly around the base, painfully slowly. He could feel Elnor’s hot breath hovering over his length, not touching, but so close. “Do you want me to beg?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Elnor said, still amused and gleeful. “I want you to tell me how it feels.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A smile tugged at the corners of Hugh’s lips. “Feels like you’re teasing me,” he said, “feels like you’re enjoying</span>
  <span>—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh inhaled sharply when the tight warmth of Elnor’s mouth enveloped his erection, sending a shudder of pleasure through him. It was briefly a relief until it wasn’t, until his need caught up with him and tension cut through that moment of respite. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It… it feels good,” he said, shimmying his hips to feel the friction of Elnor’s tongue against his sensitive skin. “Oh. It feels </span>
  <span>— ah...</span>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he stuttered out the sounds, Elnor began to move his head. Unable to resist, Hugh entangled his fingers in Elnor’s hair once more, and the Romulan made that weak noise again, this time reverberating around the length of Hugh’s aching hardness. “Good,” he managed to say through the delirium. “Really g–good… You’re so… so good...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor moaned again, leaning forward to take more of Hugh’s cock into his mouth, unwrapping his fingers from the base. Hugh could not repress the sharp cry that left him when Elnor’s nose bumped against his sternum. His hips jerked forward again, plunging blindly into that deep, perfect feeling, fingers tightening against Elnor’s scalp. Using his grip as leverage, Hugh guided Elnor’s head up and down in tiny increments, thrusting shallowly into his mouth, sweat beading on his forehead from the restraint he was exercising, chasing something just out of reach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Hugh’s cock bumped against the back of Elnor’s throat, they moaned in unison, Elnor making a desperate sound, but the moment of being wholly engulfed was fleeting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor retreated backwards and slid off the sensitive head with a wet noise and a deep, raspy inhalation. Despite his orders, Hugh opened his eyes, fear spiking through his pleasure suddenly. When he looked down, propping himself up his elbows, he saw Elnor laying against his thigh, mouth red and shiny with saliva, eyes wet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay? I’m sorry if I </span>
  <span>— Elnor —</span>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor shook his head quickly, pressing his face into the place between Hugh’s hip and thigh as though it would hide him from sight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Hugh asked, concern rising in his chest, unable to discern whether that shake of his head meant ‘<em>no, I’m not okay</em>’ or ‘<em>no, don’t worry</em>’. “Elnor, love, I</span>
  <span>—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like it,” Elnor interrupted, lifting his head and scowling, shocking Hugh into silence. “When you call me — when you… when you </span>
  <span>tell me I’m good. I like </span>
  <span>— it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Hugh was silent, processing the words and connecting Elnor’s irritation to his embarrassment once again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was as impossible for Elnor to repress his feelings as it had once been for Hugh to express them at all, and Hugh recognised that frustration, shared it. Communication was difficult at either end of the spectrum, in the dearth of expression or the deluge of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh watched as Elnor once again relaxed into the newness of his desires and pressed a soft kiss to the inside of Hugh’s thigh as an apology, though Hugh did not require one. “You are good,” he said, swallowing thickly when Elnor looked up at him with those big, honest eyes. “So good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor’s eyelids were heavy, his eyes dark and desperate, as Hugh petted his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was getting too close,” Hugh said, because it was quicker than expressing the full truth: that he wanted to be smothered by the reassuring pressure of Elnor’s long body, to kiss him quite desperately, to feel him against every inch of his skin, even more than he wanted to keep chasing his release. “Come here,” he repeated. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor acquiesced, crawling up Hugh’s body to capture his lips with his own. It was a sweet, needy kiss followed by another sweet, needy kiss, followed by another and another, each growing less frenzied, until their lips were just barely brushing, and their eyes opened in turn to look at one another with wonder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” Elnor said, frowning slightly, as if it were the most obvious and irreducible truth in the world, and he could not fathom how it had taken him so long to arrive at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Hugh could process the admission, let alone respond to it, Elnor pressed his body against Hugh’s and kissed him once more, this time capturing the man’s lip between his teeth and tugging gently. Hugh’s eyes were wide and searching, his mouth agape, soundless and useless as the friction of Elnor rutting against him rendered him mute. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their erections slid against one another, still obstructed by the soft, silky fabric of Elnor’s robes, but Hugh could only think about the overwhelming feeling of being loved, each small thrust of Elnor’s hips like a reiteration of the confession to which Hugh’s entire being was being forced to adjust.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Loved?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>When he blinked, hot tears spilled from the corners of his eyes and pooled into the pillow. Elnor’s presence filled every part of him, diffusing into him until every other stimulus was just an echo: the shudder of Elnor’s breath like thunder, the pressure of him like heaven blanketing the earth. The taste of him lingering on Hugh’s tongue. The weight of his dark, heady gaze pinning him in place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was not enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Elnor,” Hugh said, stilling him with a firm hand. The soft, wet pattering of the rain stretched into the space between them, until Hugh pulled his courage out from somewhere within his shuddering chest and said, “Fuck me. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The widening of Elnor’s eyes was almost comical, and a little of the anxiety ebbed from Hugh’s body when he huffed an affectionate laugh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are… you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor looked lost again, afraid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if — if I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If anyone were going to break me,” Hugh said breathlessly, “I’d want it to be you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh sat up slowly, guiding Elnor with him, until Hugh was upright and the younger man was kneeling between his spread thighs. Taking advantage of his height, Hugh kissed Elnor’s neck, pulling at the ‘V’ of his robe to access his collarbone. "That's it," Hugh murmured into his skin, feeling Elnor relax against him, slender hands resting on Hugh's shoulders, bracing himself while Hugh’s fingers skirted the belt tantalisingly. Elnor’s grip on Hugh’s shoulders tightened in anticipation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The prospect sent a thrill through Hugh, but he restrained himself a moment longer. Twisting sideways, he reached over to the bedside table and plucked a vial of clear oil from the top drawer. Elnor watched him, all curiosity and trepidation, but Hugh left it on the mattress, within reach. “In a moment,” Hugh said by way of explanation, craning his neck to offer his mouth, which Elnor accepted with a tilt of his own head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This kiss was intended to be brief, but Elnor grew greedy, leaning forward even as Hugh pulled away. He looked down at Hugh with a hurt expression, but Hugh only laughed softly at him, snaking his fingers against the fabric covering Elnor’s torso. “I want to see you,” he murmured, breath catching in his throat even as the words left his mouth, revelling in the way Elnor shifted nervously under the microscope of his undivided attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lacing the belt of Elnor’s robe between his fingers, Hugh waited until Elnor nodded, breathless and spasmodic, before tugging at the knot and pushing the robe open, revealing an expanse of light brown skin. Elnor looked up away, embarrassed, while Hugh’s gaze travelled down: over his dark, pinkish brown nipples, his heaving chest, his muscled abdomen, his thick cock bobbing from their movement. Enraptured, Hugh ran his rough fingertips carefully from the nape of Elnor’s neck to the soft point of his nipple. When Elnor reacted as though he’d been electrocuted, Hugh’s laughter escaped him in a huff.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re sensitive,” he teased, echoing Elnor’s earlier comment. Elnor finally met Hugh’s gaze to scowl petulantly at him. Hugh laughed again, the sound soft and bright, melting Elnor’s thorniness and making the Romulan smile despite himself. “And handsome,” Hugh added, pressing a kiss to Elnor’s other nipple, “and brave,” another kiss, “and sweet,” another, “and very,” another, “very,” another, “good.” As he uttered the last syllable, Hugh slid a loose fist over Elnor’s cock and braced the other against the nape of his neck to hold him in place, nails curling lightly against skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tips of Elnor’s ears flushed green as he gasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh smiled against Elnor’s skin as he began to move his palm slowly, kissing his way upward when Elnor’s head tilted back. His thumb swiped carefully over the tip, smearing the precum that dribbled down the green-tinged length. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pliancy of Elnor between his hands was perfect. Intoxicating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breathing growing erratic, Elnor’s hips hitched forward stutteringly. “Hugh,” he whined, desperate and eager. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh sucked dark marks into the tender skin of Elnor’s neck, teeth grazing, tongue hot and insistent. The weight of Elnor’s cock in his palm made his own erection twitch against his stomach in sympathy, but Hugh’s focus was absolute. He detached himself from Elnor’s throat to lean back and get a better look at the entirety of him, dizzied by the way his own lips were tingling: tender and puffy from overuse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor was perfect like this: head thrown back in the throes of pleasure, expression frozen in a wanton twist of need, plump lips parted as he panted in shallow breaths, the soft golden candlelight pouring across his skin, making it glow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then again, Hugh reasoned, Elnor was always perfect. Even when he was moody, or rash, or stubborn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the angle of his position began to make his wrist hurt, Hugh gave Elnor's length one final, squeezing tug before releasing him, possibly a little too roughly. The motion wrung an, "Ah!" from Elnor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You doing okay?" Hugh teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor looked at him bemusedly, mouth still ajar. Hugh giggled, and kept giggling when Elnor bent forward to kiss him, rendering the action more of an eager clashing of mouths than anything else. Still, Elnor seemed determined, sliding his hands up Hugh's neck to cup his cheeks, then sliding them further still into his hair. At that, Hugh melted into the contact, laughter dissolving into a relaxed smile, allowing Elnor to slip his tongue against his own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor's weight was too much for Hugh to withstand with nothing to prop him up, and the pair tumbled against the mattress again, Elnor's open robe fluttering like a gossamer cocoon enveloping them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh found there was a feeling on the tip of his tongue as he sprawled against the soft bed: an entirely new feeling, one that hovered between the warm nest of safety and the terrifying precipice of excitement, tinged with wide-eyed wonder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can I fuck you now?" Elnor asked when Hugh's grin impeded their kissing once again, and Hugh marvelled at Elnor's ability to make the question sound endearing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The "yes" fell from Hugh's mouth more frantically than he'd intended, but the slide of Elnor's cock against his soft stomach had reignited his desperation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh heard the quiet pop of the cork being removed from the vial, and then, before he knew it, two of Elnor's fingers, slick with warm oil, pressed against the curve of his ass. A cry of surprise arose from him, but Elnor kissed it into a muted, keening sound. Hugh's thighs spread wide instinctively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor circled the hole with his fingers, not penetrating but applying pressure, and Hugh drove his body down into the feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Should I use my mouth?" Elnor asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took a few moments for the question to sink through the fog of lust. "Huh?" Hugh mumbled. "Your mouth?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Between your legs — I mean, between your…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A—ah!" Hugh whined as Elnor pressed a fingertip inquisitively into the heat of Hugh's body, ensuring Hugh understood the gist of his gesture. When a sliver of sense returned to him, Hugh said, "Is that... something people do?" Before Elnor had a chance to respond in the affirmative, Hugh continued. "Isn't that a little…?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Gross?" Elnor pushed the finger further into the ring of muscle, rendering Hugh incapable of responding coherently. "I suppose so. But it's all a little gross, isn't it?" Elnor grinned when Hugh only mumbled vaguely. "Hm?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"C'mere," Hugh said again. "I want your mouth </span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> here."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a difficult request, but one of the many qualities Hugh admired in his partner was resourcefulness. The finger slid out, though, much to Hugh's disappointment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Lie on your side," instructed Elnor, and Hugh complied without protest, submitting eagerly to Elnor's newfound authority.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The taller man slid into the empty space behind Hugh, using his free arm to prop himself up by the elbow and loom over Hugh's shoulder, pressing sweet kisses against it. "Okay?" he asked once they'd settled. Hugh hummed his assent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two digits slipped into him, forcing a noise out of Hugh he was certain he’d never made before. It was somewhere between a yelp and a shriek, driven out of him so forcefully that it made his throat hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too much?” Elnor asked, concerned again, but Hugh shook his head and curled his body away from Elnor to allow him better access, lifting the thigh that wasn’t pressed against the mattress up toward his chest. He buried his face against the pillow self-consciously and shuddered at the contrast between Elnor’s sweet, devoted lips pressing against his shoulder blades and the burn of his fingers prying him open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shame churned inside him when he thought of how good the pain felt, unable to reconcile it with a lifetime of previous hurts. It was not an empty pain that took something away, but a full pain that slotted another piece of himself into place. He had never felt a good pain before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay,” he said, voice muffled by the pillow, when he realised Elnor had completely stilled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, Elnor began to move the fingers inside him, and Hugh felt as though his entire world was being torn apart and stitched back together. He moaned again, suddenly aware of his clammy skin and the tightness of the air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh inhaled deeply, only to hiss, “Harder,” with the sharp exhale, shame rising to his cheeks. “P...please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Elnor shifted behind him, pressing more of himself against Hugh’s back and hissing when his erection slid against sweat-slick skin. His voice shook when he said, “No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Elnor—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hugh. There’s no rush.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there was, Hugh thought. He wanted Elnor inside him, wanted him to be fucked so hard that Hugh forgot to think, forgot to breathe, wanted to be suspended in that electric moment, the horrors of his past unable to seep back into his present. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Elnor—” he said again, crying out when Elnor’s twisted his fingers and buried them as far as they could reach. “Elnor, it feels so good…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh could feel the tilt of Elnor’s head by the shift of his hair against Hugh’s skin. “It should,” Elnor replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s not enough!” Hugh whined. “Please, I need—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor’s fingers moved steadily and carefully as they explored Hugh. “I will not break you,” Elnor murmured against Hugh’s freckled shoulder. “Even if you want me to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words drew a quiet sob from Hugh as the feeling of being wholly, intimately known, physically and emotionally, washed over him in cold, clear relief. “E—El...nor,” he said, less coherently, and Elnor added a third finger. Hugh sucked in a breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The movement was torturously slow, but deliberate and deft. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh relaxed into the feeling slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A quiet settled over them, punctuated by their uneven breathing and the pattering precipitation. Somewhere very far away, thunder rumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh became aware of his own cock, untouched since Elnor had taken it in his mouth. The sensation felt as though it had occurred eons ago. Hugh felt as though he had been here with Elnor forever. He wanted to touch himself, but he didn’t want to disturb the moment. It felt as though a single shift of his body would break the illusion and everything would fall away from him, like a droplet breaking the surface of water, rippling away into silence, nothing more than a late morning’s dream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh held onto it with a desperate grip, committing every aspect to memory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rain, like glittering stars falling from the sky. The shifting pressure inside him, like being reborn. The flickering glow of the firelight, making soft shadows of every shape. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh imagined this was what it felt like to swim in the molten centre of a planet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hugh,” Elnor whispered quietly into the close air, and Hugh wondered if he’d fallen under the same hypnotic trance that made this suspended moment feel so breakable. Hugh turned his face from the pillow to seek Elnor’s face out amongst the dim light, looking up at him from beneath damp eyelashes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were four fingers inside him now, and the sweet-sharp stretch made his length bob and twitch against the cool, rough fabric of the sheets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you — done this before?” he asked suddenly, voice slowly coming back to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor was looking at him very intently, long brows pointed even more severely. “What?” he asked, having already told Hugh this was his first time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean — I mean, have you done this before — </span>
  <span>to yourself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor’s frown remained a few moments longer, lost in a haze of lust or concern, or both </span>
  <span>—  Hugh couldn’t tell in this low light — and then it lifted. “Oh,” he said, fingers stilling. “Yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh didn’t know why he’d asked, or why he cared, or if it mattered. “You’re good,” Hugh heard himself say, “at it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dip of Elnor’s head gave away his self-consciousness even if his blush didn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ignoring the pain that shot through his upper arm when he twisted it up over his shoulder, Hugh pushed his fingers into Elnor’s hair and pulled him fiercely into a sideways kiss. The angle was awkward and made all sorts of muscles in his back and shoulders ache, so the wild kiss was shortlived, but Elnor seemed even more embarrassed by the clash of lips and tongue than he did by fucking Hugh with his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they parted, Elnor slid his fingers from Hugh carefully, though the ex-B still made a quiet noise at the loss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hugh," Elnor uttered, soft despite a frayed edge of desperation, “Are you ready?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thunder rumbled again, closer this time, and Hugh felt something nervous flutter in his stomach when Elnor said his name like that: like it was a secret they shared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Hugh said, gathering his courage now that they were standing on the precipice of something new and long-anticipated, about to leap together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor nodded, turning away to find the errant vial again, and Hugh used the opportunity to sit up, following Elnor's warmth like a moth to flame. When Elnor turned back, Hugh's kiss caught him so off guard that he dropped the oil again. It wrung a brief bout of surprised giggles from the Romulan, and then a sigh when Hugh ran his scarred, calloused hands over Elnor's burning skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Let me," he said, plucking the vial from where it had fallen, just as it was about to roll onto the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor was so close that Hugh could feel Elnor’s breath ghosting over his skin when he poured the oil into his hand. Without wasting another second, Hugh reached between their bodies to slick Elnor’s length in long, efficient strokes, kissing into Elnor’s soft mewling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you want—” Elnor gasped, the rest of his sentence swallowed by the sensation of Hugh spreading the remaining oil up his torso, to his erect nipples, and giving one of them a firm squeeze. “Hugh!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like this,” Hugh replied, giggling, lying back and propping himself up by the elbows to gaze coyly at his partner. The effect was somewhat ruined by the smile that kept threatening to burst onto his face, and when Elnor maneuvered one of Hugh’s legs to settle between his thighs, he could not repress the grin. “I want to look at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With an efficiency and strength that shouldn’t have surprised Hugh, Elnor slipped a pillow beneath Hugh’s hips to elevate them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh could feel something thrumming deep and low within him, a cosmic vibration, like deft fingers plucking at a Vulcan harp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just relax,” he heard Elnor say, saw Elnor shuffle forward to align his length with Hugh’s hole, felt Elnor’s palm stretching his thigh further, then the blunt tip pressing against his hole, then the sheer </span>
  <em>
    <span>pressure </span>
  </em>
  <span>of Elnor — of his cock, his hands, his entire body —</span>
  <span> pushing against him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh gasped, deep and shuddering, to unstick the breath lodged in his throat, looking up at Elnor like a wild thing, locking eyes, and then Elnor was inside him, pushing into his heat, filling him slowly. Pain-pleasure accelerated within him at a terrifying speed, his delirious smile contorting into something less controlled and more manic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H</span>
  <span>—Hugh</span>
  <span>,” Elnor whined, already sounding wrecked, and Hugh could have wept at the look on his face. Hugh wanted him closer, wanted to hold him, but he looked ethereal from this distance, still like the statue of a demi-god depicted in his prime, all taut muscles and grace and strength, venerated for eons, loved eternally. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, gods, Elnor it </span>
  <span>— you — harder</span>
  <em>
    <span> please,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he begged. “Please, please—” Their hips met when Elnor pushed all the way inside, and Hugh arched into it, cried out, driving his head hard against the pillow, losing whatever semblance of composure he’d been clinging on to. Elnor’s grip on his thigh tightened, abdominal muscles quivering from the exertion of holding back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor pulled out, inch by inch, the movement agonising in its caution. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Elnor. Please, I need it. Pl—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor slammed the rest of the way in with a force that knocked the wind out of Hugh, making him howl and stretch himself out further to feel every inch as fully as possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My love,” Elnor said brokenly, as he pulled out and thrust back in, and if Hugh let out a sob, it was because he had never felt so loved, had never felt loved at all. “My love,” Elnor said again, sounding afraid this time, and Hugh felt his knees being pressed closer to his chest as Elnor surged forward to be closer. "It is… overwhelming..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh’s body felt like a furnace, but Elnor’s was a supernova, so hot that every touch seemed to burn Hugh. Even the tips of his fingers, which he dragged heavily up and down Hugh's skin, felt like the touch of Helios.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Elnor thrust into him again, he wrapped a hand around Hugh's cock, and Hugh felt dizzy from the overstimulation, moaning wordlessly into Elnor's ear as the Romulan propped himself up with his free forearm. "It's okay," Hugh said, wrapping his arms around Elnor and pulling him closer. "You're doing — so well, so good."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor made a strangled noise at the praise, burying his face against the crook of Hugh's neck. Hugh's grip on him tightened as Elnor began to move in a juddering rhythm, stroking Hugh in time with his thrusts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's it," Hugh told him, arching further into, further than he thought his spine could bend. "You feel so good."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In his arms, Elnor was shaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Such a good boy," Hugh crooned, and Elnor made a high keening noise, his cock twitching inside Hugh and making Hugh shout when it hit his prostate. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Urgency wrapped its tight fist around them, and Hugh bit his lip when he felt something pooling like hot molten deep in his abdomen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He realised he was quaking, his muscles tensing, and that tears were sliding down his cheeks, into his hairline, mingling with sweat and hair gel. The visceral smell of it all hit him suddenly, the immediacy, the fullness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good boy — Elnor!” he hissed, trying to pull the man further into himself, never wanting to let go, wondering, perversely, if it had once felt this good to assimilate a life; realising, desperately, that this was the closest he had ever come to that borg feeling of multiplicity. That profound unloneliness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh grabbed a fistful of Elnor’s hair to pull him back and press their mouths together haphazardly. “Fuck,” he groaned against Elnor’s lips. “I love you,” he realised, surely crying brokenly now but unable to care about anything except Elnor’s hands, Elnor’s eyes, Elnor’s noises, Elnor—Elnor—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hugh came violently, spilling onto Elnor’s fingers and both of their chests, sobbing and moaning and yelling incoherently as every sound he was capable of making was squeezed out of him by the sheer, splitting force of his orgasm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like oblivion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” he said again, as it washed over him as he thrust up into the perfectness of it, and then Elnor made a strangled sound and followed him over the edge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H—Hugh, I’m—I’m—” he managed as it hit him, his body shaking violently, plunging further into Hugh’s warmth, thrusts erratic and animalistic as he filled Hugh. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ah</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good boy,” Hugh murmured shakily against his open mouth, guiding him through the aftershocks, voice thoroughly wrecked. “So good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor collapsed against him with a groan, his weight pinning Hugh to the mattress. It should have hurt but instead, Hugh was comforted by the pressure and clutched Elnor closer. The feeling of being loved was heavier besides. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thunder rumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lay like that until their sweat began to cool, and their breathing began to even, and Elnor’s softening length grew uncomfortable for both of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a faint, pained sound, Elnor drew himself up on shaking arms and slid from Hugh, rolling off to the side to lay on his back beside his Hugh, throwing his arm over his face to hide behind the crook of his elbow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a while, Hugh sat up to look at him properly. The rain was still tapping at the window. “Elnor?” he asked, when he grew confused by the silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am ashamed,” Elnor told him, guessing his question. “I could not control myself. I was weak.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly, but Hugh only laughed breathlessly, still floating in the afterglow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be silly, Elnor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don't laugh at me,” Elnor warned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not la— hey,” he said, turning onto his side to pry Elnor’s arm gently from his face, serious now. “You didn't hurt me, Elnor. You're not capable of it.” With a fondness beyond words, he added, "I love you," and also meant <em>'I trust you'</em>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elnor started to frown, but then Hugh touched his face and kissed him very sweetly and tenderly, as if he might shatter at the touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it was ridiculous, really, to think he might have shattered at the touch. Elnor had been a warrior his entire life, and Hugh had seen firsthand how many blows he could withstand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet, it was not ridiculous, not really, not at all, because Hugh knew better than anyone that there were more ways to break someone than with a fist.</span>
</p><p>"I love you," Elnor replied, and also meant, <em>'I trust you, too'.</em></p>
  </div></div>
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